I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here

If there's one question that the nation is asking en masse, it must be, "What is Gillian McKeith doing in the jungle?"

I'm really not a cynic. Well not that much of one. I'm generally considered more on the trusting side (as in gullible). But if you had that many phobias, and no television set in your house, wouldn't you at least check You Tube to see exactly what you're letting yourself in for. 

Has she had her head so far up hers, or others, posteriors, that she thought it was just a way of getting a free trip to Oz to visit relatives. According to her daughter that's why she entered!  Ah, the naivete of youth, to disclose that information live on television!

So although I really am a soft touch, I'm not as yet finding much sympathy for Ms McK. She's wimping out of trials, and letting her team mates go hungry.  Not that she plans to go hungry herself if the passion-fruit incident is anything to go by. Maybe her reasoning was that Shaun had had a pretty good tuck-in at the trial, so wouldn't miss a bit of fruit.

The British public being what it is, we could well see GK doing the trials for as long as they have the power to vote for her. In which case, the rest of the contestants might start to dwindle away before our eyes. 

If they've got any sense, they'll eat Alison Hammond whilst she's still got some meat on her.  

 * * *

Queen Kate

Will Chas ever be King?  Do we want him to be?  Be interested to know what popular opinion would be if we could vote on whether Her Maj should jump a generation and hand over to Wills. Maybe in this age of reality tv and the power of the public, the whole thing should be by phone vote, with a few wild cards thrown in.. 

Picture the scene. Ant and Dec around the breakfast table in Buck House.

Charles and Camilla  - the public have decided, it's not you. No way. Never in this world.

Wills and Kate - the public have decided, it might be you. 

Edward and Sophie - the public have decided, it's not you. 

Posh and Becks - the public have decided, it might be you...

Let's be honest here. Posh and Becks probably set a far better example to the nation than most of the royals. 

And does Charles want to be King? He's never said so - whereas he has expressed a desire to be a tampax. Speaks volumes.

In all seriousness, King William and Queen Catherine would surely do far more to re-establish the good name of the monarchy than the man who married a 19 year old girl just to ensure the line of succession. 

We can see that William loves Kate. Whatever love means... 

 * * *

The X-Factor

So Matt and Wagner have had fisticuffs and had to be pulled apart? Wagner is a martial arts expert or something, but Matt is probably just as expert at marital arts, which can be useful. And Wind Direction left a tap running and flooded the place. All tabloid tattle, although the XF stylist did confirm on tv that Cher and Katweasle fight over clothes.  Beatles night tonight. Wonder if they've picked Love Me Do for Katie? Will Cher do a rap version of Yesterday? 

I'm waiting for Abba night. Mary can sing Super Trouper - "I was sick and tired of everything, when I called you last night from Tesco..."

And Lay All Your Love On Me is perfect for Matt - "Don't go wasting your emulsion...." 

See Aiden is going on the tour. WIll he change his name? Aiden Grimshaw sounds more at home on Corrie or Emmerdale.  Apologies to all Grimshaws, but it's really not a popstar name is it!

 * * *

Football. Where men are men? 

I'm all for men showing their feminine side, but does that stretch to wearing a very fetching shade of pink - top and socks - that the Arsenal goalie has chosen for today? Maybe it's to raise money for Children in Need. 

 * * *

More footie

According to Paul Merson, Chelsea don't seem as likely to score "as what they did in the first half."  Never mind. I believe he was pretty good at football.

Manchester United playing aganst nine men. Still only scored one. Bring Ole on... 

Or the new Ole will do.

 * * *

Sophie the rocker

Should have had something ready to video my Westie last night. She developed a cough during the chorus of Take That's The Flood, on Children in Need. Head was banging away in perfect time. 

 * * *

Ireland 

This is the place I love most in all the world. Heard it was for sale, and would like to bid for a chunk of it. It has such a unique brand of charm:

A distinct lack of road signs. They take you so far, then you arrive at a fork in the road, or a crossroads, and nothing! As I was once told by a helpful man in Dublin when I asked him to verify a road sign I couldn't quite understand, "Ah, you don't want to be paying any mind to what the signs say." 

Plain crisps - also a distinct lack of. When we asked for some we were told that cheese and onion are plain!

Dunnes stores: Is this the Irish mafia? They're everywhere.

Parking: Less than £4 for 24 hours in Mallow! More expensive in the cities, but still cheaper than the UK. And petrol/diesel was cheaper too. 

Houses: On the whole, Ireland looks like a model village - endless countryside with gorgeous houses dotted everywhere. On the surface, it's like the land that time forgot.

Bread: Cost of living higher than the UK, but you can get a large loaf for the equivalent of 55p. 

Conclusions: If you want to take sandwiches on a long drive, you're laughing.